We’re doing less chats and less calls, and i’m worried it’s getting boring. Maybe slowing down is part of the normal process. I’m just worried he will lose interest in me.
I really should stop worrying. It’s totally useless. I should just be happy, face my life, do what i need to do, have faith, be happy and believe everything will be happy.
My last post here was over a month ago. I’ve been busy and totally happy. I realize all my posts here are depressing because thats the only time i write here.
12 nov i met an indian guy and has been chatting with him daily ever since. Then calls, photos, videocalls.
For someone who said he never talks to someone on phone he met online, now we are doing 3hr phone calls. For someone who said he will never meet anyone online, now we have a trip to thailand. For someone who said it will never work out with me, now he wants to take me to India.
I think he loves me as much as i love him, but he’s careful and slow, and also cant believe how fast and great it’s been going.
What am i angry at?
Myself for not setting boundaries
For being too lazy to reach my goals
For having no discipline
For staying here when i could be doing something better
I need a new life, and a bf or husband is just a distraction and an escape. But i know it’s going to be from 1 hell to another. I know what will make me happy, i just need enough drive to start with it. I keep blaming other people and everyone else, but i’m done so i’ll do what i want now – starting with a new job, new life, new home and new friends. Be kind to myself and of others, let go of the pain and hurt, and start brand new. At this age.
There are periods of stagnation and frustration. But i want to continue moving on.
Im lonely and need someone to talk to, but also would like a mentor to help guide me with my life. I need to work on my life before loving and looking for someone else.
I am better now, found someone to meet tom. Still would like to see B, and find out what his deal is.
Shouldnt have deleted my okc acct, now i have to go through blocking 90% of the men’s profiles again.
I was so focused on him, nearly obsessed with him, and i was so emotionally invested.
I realize i was being unjustifiably clingy/needy even though we dont know each other that well. So i need to work on that and hopefully we meet again someday. Honeymoon phase is over. Maybe he just didnt feel like talking to me anymore. Maybe he doesnt like me anymore. Maybe he found someone else.
People will say not to read too much on his texting habits as he is probably just busy (i’ve been through that phase too), and some will say he is not into me if he doesn’t make time to talk to me everyday. Maybe we have diff texting habits and needs. But i think to each his own. Some will like someone a bit clingy, others not so. I guess the line is drawn when people are whiny, clingy and desperate for attention – something about anxiety attachment style- needing reassurance all the time. Probably too much to ask from him. I’m glad he hasn’t blocked me yet.
He left me. Ignored, seenzoned. He officially ghosted me already. I have mixed emotions- like i’m sad about it, at the same time i’m not sure if i’m expecting it from reading too much on reddit. Or maybe somehow i’m assured he will still contact me. Been 4 days since his last message.
Today I woke up early but refused to get up from bed. Another way to procrastinate and make the day/time seem longer.
For my own sanity and peace of mind, i need to leave this place.
Applied for 4 jobs yesterday/sunday. Hoping for a good job so i can move to makati this month.
All my batchmates have nice jobs with fancy titles.
a more peaceful life 