Old ramblings

Gurneek Singh

⁃ No msgs except for trip

⁃ No greetings

⁃ Stick to my words

⁃ Be kind, patient, no anger issues

⁃ Do not order him around–> let him take the direction and pace of the relationship, wait for him to come around and give him space and back off. Dont come as too intense and passionate. Let him chase.

Would i be happy with someone who doesnt want to be with me? Who didnt even think of me during valentines? Where im always wrong and had to keep apologizing?

Today he made it clear i cannot expect anything from him, and he doesnt want to do anything with me. That i cannot hope for anything more. And if im ok with that? Or will i feel worse after the trip?

I told him i know its a risk that im willing to take. To meet him once, and maybe not hear from him again.

He is still angry, blinded with everything, and stressed about the trip, that he’d rather cancel and not see me. He clarified again that we have nothing together and there never will be, even after the trip. He chose to remind me of all the times he made it clear we are just friends and that he pushed me to date other people. But I remembered the good and sweet things when he ahsked if we can be a couple.

Im making excuses for him now- that he was just stressed about the passport, that i might not like him when we meet, all the planning for the trip. He is afraid of being taken advantaged of. He is probably afraid of being in love and hurt again. I just want to assure him it’ll be better if we work on those issues together.

At this point everyone is mostly damaged- traumatized, has issues, etc. Maybe he drinks out of boredom and loneliness. He makes me want to become a better person. And i want to help him too, on his own terms.

Maybe all these fights are coming because we dont know what we want from each other. Or insecurities about my achievements— no.

Maybe we wont even like each other when we meet anyway

⁃ visa fee waived to thailand, passport arrived 1 wk before trip, my bday, his study and exam after trip